In Search of Self: How I Found My Calling (excerpt)

by Charles Butler

“Monday, August 28, 2000, was the day I was scheduled to report voluntarily to the prison. I was convinced this was what God wanted me to do. I had a certain peace about it all, and yet I felt an inner turmoil–-an uncertainty mixed with fear. Would I be up to the experience?

All the anxious speculation about what might happen would now give way to the reality of life in prison. I did not need to pack clothes for the trip. The authorities had informed me that the prison would supply all my clothing needs. Marilyn had been most supportive. At least this was the way I perceived it. Perhaps she was not as supportive as I had supposed and I was just too dense to recognize it. Or, I may have been so certain I was doing God’s will that I was incapable of considering any other possibility. Whatever the reality, I acted on the inner certainty that I was doing what God wanted me to do, and I was convinced that I had the loving support of my wife.”